Waiting for the End

Operative Nyx' Journal

The morning started off hideously.  I lost it.  This ship drive me insane sometimes because I am so cooped up the entire time. I need to be connected with nature with the soil, and this ship has none of that.  I am disconnected from my friends, my support networks, and myself.  I hide behind a mask and I feel like it is breaking apart.  I yearn to reach out and just forget my job.  It is at the edge of the abyss and realizing the abyss stares back at me.

I almost set off the electrical disabling bombs in the engine and warp drive rooms.  It would have been Empire ship number 46, but the Admiral talked me out of my emotions.  I almost lost complete control, but I was just hurt that I felt I didn't matter to him.  I returned the stolen data to him that I got from the War Room.  Obviously, it's not that hard to get, so I can get it again at any time.

But today I went disk shooting with the bounty hunter, who has become quite a close friend.  The funnest part came when we started blowing &$%# up.  We met up later that night on Corsucant for drinks and to just chat.  He's really been quite a great friend, and I had no idea Mandos were very sweet beneath their hard shells.  He has also agreed to be my physical combat teacher, so I hope to sneak away from the Executor tomorrow to start this.

Lt. Walker also took me for a trip in a fighter ship and it felt so good to get out there and feel like I was doing something instead of sitting around on my bum the whole time.  I miss fighting.  He would be a great adversary in a dog fight, but an even better ally.  I wanted to tell him who I was, but I suspect his loyalty to the Empire would put myself, the Admiral, and my dogs in danger.