The Isolation

Operative EmpChihuahua Reporting

Operative Nyx snapped last night.  I think being isolated from her Jedi friends and the Rebellion are starting to creep into her psyche, not to mention she has been talking about a strange feeling in the Force for a few days.  She hardly sleeps now and spends most of her time looking at the stars.  She has isolated herself from me and Wicket quite a bit lately, and I wonder if she is okay.  She has never been away on a mission for months like this, and I think she bit off more than she can chew on this one.  I have watched her and have noticed her strong desire to be with the Admiral is clouding her judgement.

And from what I gather, she was imploding again last night.

Let me be the first to explain I have been with Nyx ever since I was a pup.  She raised me and for that I am eternally grateful.  But Nyx is still young in Kiffar/human terms and sometimes lacks the ability to control her strong emotions.  I know when she is imploding, and it is hard to watch her suffer so much.  She struggles where she puts her duty (which is very Kiffar) before her emotions (which are very human).  Her first Jedi master saw this in her and tried to temper her temper (so to speak), and managed to get her to calm down when she reached that place.

But once her eyes glaze over to red, she is losing complete control.  The blue eyes I can deal with because she is still in control of herself, but the red ones are dangerous.  Luckily, when I mentioned that there was no way we were getting off the Executor alive, she managed to calm down.  I don't know what the Admiral said to her, but by the time Wicket and I returned to our room to sleep, I could sense she was connecting to her fears and pain.  If she is in that place, she can be reasoned with.

Part of this is her learning that the Admiral has a schedule, but also for him to realize she has needs to.  He seems to be constantly preoccupied and it rips her apart because he is her only connection to who she really is.  Again, all of this is a part of being a spy, and although she is indeed gifted in espionage, she lacks the emotional fortitude to get her through some days.  I think the stress is beginning to wear on her, and it shows.  Whenever I wake up, I can sense her mind is somewhere.

Again, I do not like the Admiral because he can inadvertantly hurt her deeply.  And the episode tonight showed just that.  I do not know if he realizes who he is dealing with and once she puts her mind to something, she can very easily blow the entire ship up.  I did not hear any alarms last night, which means that her intrusion into the War Room and various databases probably went unnoticed.