The Day Away

Operative Nyx' Journal

I see such a different side to the Admiral now that he is away from the ship.  He is relaxed, carefree, and very sensitive.  This is contrary to what was listed in both the Rebellion and Empire personnel files, that portrayed him as rather cut-throat and narcissistic.  Sometimes I question if I should believe what others tell me, or trust my own judgements. 

We had a wonderful normal day of shopping and eating at a small cafe near his home in Naboo.  I wonder if this is what life is like on the outside, when people don't have to think about wars or protecting others.  Just a carefree life of peace and serenity.  He says he wants to retire on Naboo.  I told him Rebellion spies don't retire, we just kind of vanish without a trace.  He asked me if he would ever lose me, and I told him only if he were dishonest in any way or if I needed to protect his life.  I am enjoying this feeling of relaxation and it is as if all of my cares are falling away when I am beside him.

I have to admit though, there is a large age difference between us.  I have yet to even address the issue with him.  He has mentioned marriage on several occasions, but he has not mentioned starting a family.  I think if this were to come up, I would have to completely change my identity and possibly leave the Rebellion.  I couldn't bear to put the children in jeopardy.  A part of me cannot leave behind the life I have lead, but another aspect hates losing friends the way I have over the years.  Maybe I can enter a life of politics instead?  But I doubt that is any safer than espionage!